When I first came to London it was just for a couple of months, I had finished university and decided to take
a year off.
After a month in London I met my ex husband on new years eve 1991. We got on immediately, like a house on fire,
and within a month we were living together. Things were great for the first 4 years, we use to have fun, go out, enjoy life.
Then we decided to buy our first home together, that is when things started to go wrong. After buying the flat, 6 months later
he decided that he needed a break, he was confused, it was basically his quarter of a century life crisis. Ok, so we broke
up and we were separated for 3 months, when he asked me to return. So I gave it another chance.
When we got back together, after many promisses that he made, we decided that it was time to have a kid, so I
got pregnant and our first daughter was born. I can say that it was a very difficult preganancy due to the lack of support.
He would go out until all hours of the night, wouldnt call, and if he did call he would say that he was on his way back, and
would arrive 3 hrs later.
Sleepless nights, heartache, waiting for him, night after night.
Our daughter was born, I hoped that things
would change and that he would be more present, he was at first, but once the novelity wore off it went back to what it was,
sleepless nights waiting for him, monday to sunday... always with a pathetic excuse.
Then I got pregnant with our 2nd daughter,
it was unexpected... but I was happy, a sister for my baby, when I told him about the pregnancy he tried to look happy, but
his eyes didnt lie.
Another horrible and difficult pregnancy, I had a split pelvis due to the baby being so heavy. As always, the
sleepless nights would continue and to arrive home late, with lame explanations... I was stressed , tired working and taking
care of my youngest one and going through a hard pregnancy. Yet no support.
Our second daughter was born and he was even more absent than ever... With our second daughter he wouldnt even
bother changing her nappy, just giving me orders.
I went back to work 5 months later. At the same time we decided to buy a cafe so he could have something of his
own and feel more secure. So we remortgaged the flat and bought the business.
Although I had my full time job as an Interpreter and Mother, I would manage the accounts of the Cafe and go
there twice a week so he could leave earlier and get the kids from school and the minder, so he could spend some quality
time with them. He was suppose to pick our eldest one at 3.25 and the youngest one at 3.40. Do you actually think he would
do so? NO! I would get calls from the childminder telling me that she had to get her from school because the dad didnt turn
up.
He would finally turn up at the minders house at about 6pm, I would get home at 9pm, the kids were still not
bathed or fed properly! So I would have to do it myself.
If I had to work weekend as an interpreter for the Home Office,
I would ask him to look after the kids, it would be as if I was asking for the moon!
He would get so annoyed because he
would be missing his football match.
I remember when I was pregnant with my second child , my blood count was so low that they wanted to admit me
into hospital, when I rang my ex to tell him ,he said, who will take care of our kid! So I ended up going home...
I got pregnant once more! You must be asking why?? It was a lapse...
But I was happy, I love my kids... And
maybe deep down inside, I was hoping that some sense would come to him... stupid it is, but hope is the last to die!
I was pregnant, I told him... he said: you feed one mouth you feed 3.
The pregnancy was hard, working as an interpreter, working in the cafe, taking care of the kids, and my Peter
Pan syndrome husband out till all hours of the morning!
The stress was so bad that my little boy died 1 week before his due date...
It was so hard, so sad.... my
marriage was in shambles... I was unhappy, and my Son had passed away... more pain to deal with...
My ex made more promisses,
and more promisses, at the funeral he threw himself on our Sons grave and cried.... At home he said to me:I promiss on our
son's grave that things will be different from now on.
My response to that was...I did one of the hardest things in my
life which was to bury my baby son... if God gave me the strength to do that he will give the strength to leave you if things
dont change....
And I gathered the courage to do so... Things didnt change, I needed so much support to put up with the
pain due to my loss... nothing.... the first month he was around then it all went back to what it was.....
So I ended it...
When we first separated he would have the kids every saturday to sunday... But when it was inconvinient he would
just not come. Parties, women, friends were always priority.
We had barely separated and there was already another woman
sleeping around in his house with the kids there! My eldest would return angry.... So much so she has been in therapy for
the last 2 yrs.
At the beginning he would pay his share of the mortgage, but wouldnt pay maintenance for the kids.
Then one
day he asked to take them abroad for 30 days, I said no to that, what guarantee would I have of seeing them again??
So
he never picked the kids up again. Not a phone call to them... nothing... and he vanished for almost 2 yrs... when he began
going to their school and waiting for them on their way out, yelling to them...
I had to get an injunction against him.
We ended up in court, a very nasty divorce, financially he dumped me with a massive mortgage, an overdraft that
the cafe had generated.... and no money for his kids. I was granted in our financial part of the divorce the flat where I
live, he kept the business. He was ordered to pay me a sum towards the overdraft until it was cleared. He payed twice and
so far that was all.
We went for a CAFCASS report, he lied non stop to the officer, but she was able to see through him,
and it was ordered that he could see his kids through a contact centre.
Contact began in February this year, but only twice he saw them why? because he had to go away on his holiday
for 50 days! Oh yes, because before in december he had gone skiing in Austria.
Poor thing then he says he hasnt money
to pay maintenance towards his kids, his own flesh and blood!
The damage that this man has caused to the kids is unbelievable.
I
am not against him seeing the kids, I just would like him to live up to his responsibilities.
The court ordered him to
do a drug test, he was suppose to do it in July last year, but he only got round to doing it in November. Why? so he could
clean himself for 3 months do the test, then go back to his old habits.
How can a man like that, that puts his needs before his kids be trusted with them?
He plasters pictures of
them all over the net, on his websites, where he brags non stop about his trips and the good time he is having.
All I can say is that sometimes a great loss, like losing my son is hard, but sometimes you need something hard
to happen so you can wake up.
Yes I was naive, yes I was in love, and having the kids made it even harder to leave... But
finally the day came and I managed to do it.....
I am doing what I can to get justice... It is not the money the issue here... It is the principal of the matter...
It is your responsibility as a parent (mother or father) to be sure that your kids are fully supported morally, emotionally
and finacially.
I am not bitter towards men, I have found a fantastic man that is now part of our lives and that the kids love
a lot and this love is fully reciprocated.
All I would like is for people to live up to their responsibilities, if they
do not want to, then just turn your back and let the child have the best future possible.
Thank you for taking your time reading this.
Natacha
